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Mom has little or no sense of humor!
When Sis and I are playing cards with her we’re joking with each other about each play we make or telling funny happenings of our day and cracking up about it. Mom just listens with a straight face or ignores us altogether.
We’ll be watching a situation comedy on tv, or a comedy movie, and laughing our butts off and she’ll say “Well, that’s just silly (or stupid). I don’t see anything funny about it at all. (OR–)that doesn’t happen in real life!”
Jeez Mom! Lighten up!!
My brother loves to tease us or pull practical jokes on us and all of us kids will have a great laugh about it. Mom just rolls her eyes or turns to her puzzle books and ignores us.
What makes someone be like that? I can’t imagine not laughing at least a few times every day! It keeps my spirits up and I enjoy having fun–even if it’s just corny, silly fun.
But, we all accept it–that’s our Mom–and have our fun without her. Just once, though, it would be nice to have her join us in the laughter.
Mom and I both had developed a mild cough over the past week or so and today I discovered the possible cause. About a month ago, I was over to Sis’s and her house smelled wonderful! She burns vanilla-scented incense all day and it was heavenly! I told Mom about it and she said to get some when I went to the store. So, I did just that.
I noticed last week that she had been coughing and she said she never has a cough. I realized I was coughing quite a bit, too. This morning neither one of us was coughing, then I lit the incense and about a half hour later we were both coughing. Curious, I searched online about incense and coughing and discovered it could be the cause of the coughing. It turns out that incense burns 45% carbon into the air as opposed to the 10% from cigarette smoke! Wow! That’s quite a bit!! So, we decided to go without the incense for a week and see if it really is the cause of our coughing.
I’ll try to remember to give ya’ll an update on that.
We had a wonderful Labor Day weekend! Brother D, the truck driver, was here for 4 days and Sis J and her fella, M, and brother N came over here for Saturday dinner. I bought 2 large chuck roasts and made a huge pot of roast beef with boiled potatoes and carrots and green beans plus biscuits. By the time the meal was over there was a small wedge of roast left and that was about it! Mom and I are going to shred it for roast beef sandwiches this week–yum!!
Sis and I hung out with Mom most of the time. Brother N finished building the porch and porch roof onto the side of the mobile home. He finished the ramp for Mom except for putting the non-skid outdoor carpet on it, that gets finished next weekend. She’s thrilled with it! Sis and I went to WalMart and bought her a set of deck chairs–waterproof–and a small table to set between them and we sure enjoyed the evening sitting out there together after it cooled off! Brother D spent most of the time playing his video games and drinking beer. I swear he’s 51 going on 12! (Well, except for the beer–haha!!)
Hope all of you had a great weekend, too!
Well, here’s a dilemma! Before I moved here to help care for Mom, Sis always bought her groceries for her. Mom had Sis’ name added to her checking account so Sis could write a check for them. When I arrived, Sis was relieved because Mom’s grocery needs were sometimes things that Sis was not familiar with (she is not a cook by any means) and it frustrated her to no end to shop for Mom. So, I told Mom I could get our groceries from now on. She asked how she was going to write a check when the store wouldn’t let me sign for it without my name on it. I explained to her that I could get the groceries with my bank card, then she could write me a check to pay me back–simple! For some reason, Mom wasn’t issued a bank card when she joined the bank 30 years ago and they haven’t issued her one even though they are available now. Anyway, Mom agreed to do it that way.
The next grocery day, she changed her mind. She said she didn’t want Sis to feel left out–like I was ‘taking over’ for her– so Mom decided to divide the grocery list between the 2 of us! Sis and I are both rolling our eyes at this but Sis doesn’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings by telling her she didn’t want to get the groceries anymore and was happy to have me do it. So, we both go to the store together and get what’s on our individual lists (actually I compile both lists into one and we get them all) then Sis pays for them with Mom’s check.
This is crazy!! Why should both of us have to go when I can do it myself?? Sis is frustrated and I’m just annoyed. But Mom insists we do it together so neither of us feel ‘left out’.
When Brother is here he wants to sleep in his sleep cab in his semi truck which he parks in the drive—that’s home to him and all of his ‘stuff’ is in there but Mom insists he pull out the sofa-bed and sleep in here because she doesn’t want him to sleep in the truck and feel ‘left out’!! So, he gets frustrated and argues with her and usually wins and sleeps in the truck. Now, she’s upset because she thinks he won’t sleep in here because the sofa-bed is uncomfortable so she wants to buy a new on and Brother tells her “No, you don’t need a new one.” And on and on it goes!
Sis eats many of her evening meals at my other brother’s house across the street. Mom asked her to have dinner with us one night, then changed her mind because she was afraid other Brother would feel ‘left out’ and have to eat alone. True, he could have come to eat with us also but when he gets home from work he doesn’t feel like getting back out again to come here.
What in the world is all this “feel left out” business about? None of us have any idea! Our eyeballs are starting to hurt from all of the eye-rolling! 
This is an honest-to-goodness recipe in an old cookbook published by a church, by it’s members, in the 1970’s. I just had to post it as it made me bust out with laughter so I wanted to share it with you.
(from “Life Grows Better with Good Cooks” published by Norris Chapel United Methodist Church, Auburn Indiana)
Elephant Stew
1 elephant (medium size)
2 rabbits (optional)
Salt and pepper
Cut the elephant into small bite-size pieces. This should take about 2 months.
Add enough brown gravy to cover.
Cook over kerosene fire for about 4 weeks at 465 degrees.
This will serve 38 people. If more are expected, 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary as most people do not like to find “hare” in their stew.
(Recipe from Martha Albert)
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Things are going well with Mom. A few days ago, I noticed my energy level dipping and I was feeling a little down and no motivation. I realized it was from being in this dark house for days on end.
The next morning I got up (I’m usually up about an hour before Mom) and I opened all of the curtains in the living room. I opened the front door wide as it has a glass/screen door on the outside and I let that sunshine pour in! I instantly felt relaxed yet energized at the same time. I felt awake for the first time in days! I was a little anxious about what Mom would say when she got up.
She got up and came out to the living room and sat in her chair but didn’t say anything about the curtains being opened. Sis came in a little after that and exclaimed “Wow! It looks so airy and sunny in here. I love it!” Mom still didn’t say anything. Sis and I discussed how dark rooms made both of us feel depressed and gloomy and how much better we feel with the natural light coming in–still nothing said by Mom.
Later that day, I could see Mom looking out the windows and she commented on different things:
“Would you look at that? The flowers over at the neighbor’s are blooming beautifully and look at my rose bush! So many pretty flowers!” or “There goes so-and-so that lives down the street.” or “I see Sis coming!”, etc., etc.
She’s become quite the reporter of various neighborhood activities and I’ve become alive and sane again!
Mom is such a worry-wart! She frets over my brother’s hair–it’s too long! He’s an over-the-road semi truck driver so he doesn’t have to be well-kempt. He’s 50 years old and is still living in the 70’s when it comes to his hair. So what. It’s his hair, he’s a grown man, but she harps on him when he’s here and, when he’s not here, I get to hear it nearly everyday–“I wish D would get a haircut, it’s too long.” At first, I would reply with “Mom, he’s not going to. He’s a grown man and he’s going to wear his hair the way he wants.” After, the eleventy hundredth time of hearing this, I now reply with “Yeh, I know” and change the subject.
Then she worries about Sis’ live-in boyfriend. He is a slug, doesn’t work a real job just gets work as a handyman here and there, he uses Sis as a home to come to and food to eat and other uh–stuff. Yes, he takes advantage of her. Yes, she lets him. But this has gone on for 18 years. It’s not gonna change. Leave it alone, it’s her life. But I get to hear that several times a week–”I wish she’d get rid of him, he doesn’t do anything for her.” Well, Mom, I wish the same thing but it’s not going to happen until J has had enough and kicks him out. There is no physical abuse, no psychological abuse, etc. He uses her, and she uses him so she doesn’t have to live alone. If it works, it works–but I do feel sad for her but, again, not our business.
My other brother, N, is a true gem. He lives 2 doors down and he takes care of all repairs and maintenance on Mom’s mobile home. He just finished building her a new ramp and a front porch. He is going to replace the skirting before winter sets in. so, I get to hear that several times a week. “I wonder when N is going to get the skirting on?” Mom, he’s got until November to get it done. He works full time and has really bad knees so he needs some rest on the weekends. He’ll get to it when he can.
And so on and so on…….and so on.
Patience, Barbara, patience! Take a deep breath. There ya go, now isn’t that better?—????
Well, I arrived at Mom’s on Wednesday, July 29th, at 7:40 pm. My sister met me at the car, as I was getting out, with hugs and joy. I glanced up and there, on the front porch, stood my little Mommy whom I haven’t seen in 11 years! She had aged considerably and looked so cute in her capris and short-sleeved blouse. I walked up the steps and hugged her and tears welled up a little bit. I was so happy to have arrived safely and to see her face. Mom, stoic as ever, said “Quit your bawlin’ and come in and sit down.” But she, also, was so happy to see me. She had worried and paced the entire 3 days I was on the road. We visited for a couple hours, then it was bedtime. I slept like a rock for the first time in months!
The next day, I noticed she didn’t open any of the curtains and all the light bulbs were 40 and 60 watts–very low lighting. The house was dark and gloomy. I opened the front door for the breeze to come in and let in the sunlight. Then I opened the kitchen curtains and she asked what I was doing! I told her I was letting in the sunlight and starting the day with natural light to raise our spirits. She replied, “I don’t have any spirits and there’s no view out there, there’s nothing to see but the neighbor’s house!” I went on to explain that we needed the sunlight to enhance our vitamin D and our calcium and magnesium in our bodies. She just rolled her eyes and closed the curtains. Sis told me she’s kept the house closed up like that for years but didn’t suffer from depression so she gave up trying to convince Mom to ‘open the house’ for the day. I brought up the vitamin theory again on and off that day and the next. Then on the 3rd morning I got up and she was sitting at the kitchen table with the curtains open! Yay!! But, I still can’t get her to open any other curtains in the house. I say to myself “one step at a time“.
I have done so much the past 2 weeks that it’s mind-numbing!
All of the screens in my room were off and the windows stuck shut so my first step was getting the screens out of the closet, putting them in and washing the windows and loosening them so they would open. One was broken so I repaired that.
The room was decorated in orange–Gack!!!! So I removed the bedspread and rug and curtains and put up my lavender and blue stuff. Now it’s a nice, peaceful looking room.
I bought and hung mini blinds for the bedroom windows and I scrubbed the toilet in my bathroom thoroughly! It was really bad from my brother using it during his visits and Mom couldn’t get down low enough to clean it properly.
Sis bought some 75 watt light bulbs and I put all of those in except for in Mom’s bedroom. I didn’t want to invade her ‘space’! Sis bought herself a new computer desk and gave me her old one so we spent 2 days, on and off, putting that together. Then we carried the old desk down here to Mom’s and got it set up and organized. I cleaned my computer real good and got it hooked up and running but didn’t get internet service until a few days ago.
I scrubbed the stove and refrigerator. It had black mold all around the edges–Ewwww!! I bought Mom a little table lamp to use at the kitchen table during card games. Hers kept shorting out–unsafe!
I hung a shelf for Mom’s bedroom. It had fallen and no one else took the time to fix it. (G-r-r-r) Plus I hung the living room clock where she could see it. It hung behind her chair, on the wall. Didn’t Sis or Brother think of these things??
Mom’s favorite recipes were all faded or torn so I typed/printed out those for her in larger font so she could read them easily.
I’ve learned 2 card games and 2 board games that Mom loves to play and we do that every afternoon alternating between games each day.
Dang! I’m wore out just writing about this let alone when I was actually doing it! haha! I’m going to try to get back to my old posting schedule but it may be erratic. I’m searching for a part-time job on top of everything else so I’m kind of “off kilter” right now.
It sure is nice to be back. I’ve missed everyone!! I hope to post again soon!
I will soon be joining the ranks of Personal Caregivers everywhere!! Help me!!!!!!! hahaha!!!
My Mother lives in West Texas and she has had a few falls lately–none serious yet–and she has asked me to come home and help her. My sis has been keeping an eye on her and she simply does not have the patience to continue at any length.
Mom can be very bossy/demanding and is very impatient when things aren’t done to her timetable (meaning yesterday!). Sis easily falls back into the mother/child dynamic and finds it too hard to handle Mom.
I haven’t seen Mom, sis, or brother for 11 years so it’s time I went back home anyway. I’ve been unemployed for over 6 months with no hope of finding anything here soon and my unemployment has run out so this is actually a godsend for me.
I’m hoping that my 8 years experience in eldercare plus the fact that I’ve been distant for so long will play in my favor and help me to be able to handle Mom without tearing out my hair–or hers!
I leave next Monday and should arrive there Wednesday. A good friend of mine, Susan, is driving with me then flying back on Thursday. I hope to be back online within a week or so–tentatively posting again by August 10th.
Everybody wish me luck! Please!!!
I thought it was time to ‘lighten up’ and get away from the serious posts. So many caregivers suffer from depression due to their caring for their loved ones. It can be exhausting work–both physically and emotionally.
So take a breather, put your feet up, and have a giggle!
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I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked,”Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said “No, I’ve heard that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf or sailing or ballooning or rock climbing ?”
“No, I don’t,” I said.
He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?”
“No,” I said. “I’ve never done any of those things.”
He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a crap if you live to be 80?!!”
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The Cat In The Hat On Aging
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad…can you tell
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
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New words for an old song From The Sound of Music’s “A Few of My Favorite Things”:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knittin’,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin’s,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food and no food with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’.
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had, And then I don’t feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I’VE HAD AND THEN I DON’T FEEL SOOO BAAAD.
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Sunday’s sermon was—Forgive Your Enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, “How many of
you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands. The
Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady.
“Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight.” she replied.
“Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all
how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the
world?”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: “I outlived the bitches.”
by Stella Mora Henry, R.N.
with
Ann Convery
This book is for those who are considering moving their loved one into an Assisted Living facility or a nursing home. It is packed full of great advice and tips. Stella takes you, step-by-step, through every phase of this journey.
She took care of both of her parents and works in the Eldercare field. She goes through all the tough issues: spotting the warning signs of dementia, redefining sibling roles, doing a walk-through at an assisted living facility or nursing home, making the actual move, even coping with demands of “take me home!” She also explains the medical, legal, and insurance issues.
She knows whereof she speaks:
“Any convictions I had harbored about the sanctity of dying at home, about keeping promises out of guilt, were gone. Despite my professional expertise and contacts, Dad would have received better supervision and more comfort at a good long-term-care facility. And I would have had the time to sit with him and hold his hand.”
Five years later, she had to move her Mom into a facility:
“….the appropriate time had arrived to relocate her into a long-term-care setting. The words I have repeated to families for three decades finally came home to me: You are still your parent’s advocate and champion, vitally engaged and needed more than ever. You will never relinquish the emotional care of your parent, but you can relinquish the medical care to experts.”
Some of the chapters that helped me understand this transition were:
–Denial
–Parent-Child Role Transfer
–Redefining Sibling Roles
–Unfair Promises/Fair Promises
–Caregiver Burnout
–Medicare, Medigap, Medicaid–Sorting Through the Maze
–Financial and Legal Affairs–Making Decisions
There are many more chapters in between. This book really helped me to understand steps I didn’t even know had to be taken in order to get through this journey. It’s definitely a ‘keeper’ in my opinion.
Check your local Library or go to Amazon The Eldercare Handbook
I’d like to thank Donahue for suggesting this book for my reading list.
